Sponsorship keeps me working my program

One of the things I love about sponsoring is the ongoing challenge to actually work my program.

A long-term sponsee has been raising concerns about her step work and decided she needed to explore more concrete paths to the steps.  After a search of what is out there, which is plenty, we’ve landed on working the steps through the Big Book Study workbook written by Lawrie C and based on the Joe & Charlie way of working the steps. 

I have certainly followed the Joe and Charlie way before but Lawrie C works the steps specifically for OA.  I thought I might get away with simply skim reading what section we are up to and talking it through with her.  However, after a pretty rocky weekend where I saw clearly that I keep taking back my will, that I am eating compulsively, I am clear my HP wants me to actually work the steps. 

It’s time for me to revisit my over-eating story and be clear why I am an overeater:

• Once I begin eating I can’t stop – especially if I eat outside of meals
• Once I take a bite of my red foods – especially sugar and white flour and combinations of the two – the physical obsession begins and I can’t stop eating them until I go to bed
• Once I take a bite of my red foods I can think of nothing else but taking my second bite
• I feel fearful if I can’t eat when planned, if I need to wait an hour or two longer than I am used to panic sets in
• I feel comfortable feeling over-full and don’t think I’ve had enough until I get that feeling
• Once I feel over-full I crave eating even more
• There are many foods I can’t just eat one of – crisps, nuts, lollies, dried fruit, sugar-free recreational treats such as bounce balls.

I know I am a compulsive overeater because the following eating styles don’t work for me:

• Cocktail & finger food – it never feels like enough and I have
• Buffets – portion sizes and repeated trips are problematic
• Sharing - I usually eat more than my share
• Eating while travelling – walking (especially walking home from the shop) and driving
• Meals where there isn’t a boundary 

I do know there is a solution.  Surrender. Hopefully honestly facing my addiction will help me to surrender; to only eat in ways that are nourishing and loving to me.  HP help me to have the courage to eat portion sizes that mean I need to lean on your heavily.  I can only do this with your help.

I have been touched by the love of fellowship at the moment.  I have been honest in how I am struggling and everyone has really put themselves out to support me.  Calls, texts, emails to remind me that if I work it, it works. To remind me I am not in this alone; it’s our weakness that binds us all.