I grew up with a traditional notion of God and spirituality - it was a higher power that I was constantly trying to impress so I could get the rewards my Mum promised me. Somewhere through life I lost interest in this God, primarily because I felt I couldn't live up to my part of the required bargain and I felt I wasn't getting the rewards from life I expected.
Joining OA I have been forced to go back to basics and take a look at this view. Why did I no longer feel connected spiritually? Why did I think life was completely up to me and under my control alone? I understood I'd failed to be in control around food, but didn't seem so clear on where else my control was failing.
Sitting in meetings, I slowly started to see that there was a God-sized hole in my life.
Now, my relationship with a higher power is firmly planted in the day. It's not about my future life - it's about dealing with the life that is delivered to me today.
I ask my higher for help first thing each day.
At the end of the day I formally review and see where I forgot I wasn't God, where I thought I was in control. Where as I lost contact with God? This questioning/ God conversation ends with me asking God to take care of particular people - those I love and those I need to learn to love. This is a kind of surrender and the way I connect into a power greater than me.
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