2011 flashed by - it was a big year with a new job, a major injury/illness for my husband and financial struggles that arrived with his illness/injury. Somehow, too focused on these things I let the important things slip - most of all my recovery.
I went to less meetings, didn't work with a sponsor and did the smallest amount of step work. I overate and pretended I was in control of everything.
Here I arrive back at my blog, bashful to be here like the long lost friend who is ashamed of the long-ago un-returned call.
I am sorry I let the year slip away from me. I am sorry I lost sight of what was important and what I needed. I am sorry I didn't make my recovery my priority.
I see that I have paid the price for my mistakes. I met a girlfriend (in a 12-step program but not the same one as me) last night and saw the shock in her eyes when she greeted me. I am carrying at least two dress-sizes of excess weight, I am not paying attention to my appearance and my body is rigid and stiff from lack of exercise. She was more challenged by my attitude as I regaled her with stories of anger and resentment. She asked me to go home and pray, to pray for myself and others I am struggling with. She asked me to look at what I need to do to live the life I say I want.
Food is my HP once again. It is time to surrender and admit my powerlessness over food.
I am declaring 2012 a recovery year. A year to focus on what I need to take care of me. I need to work the tools of the program and that includes writing. Getting the junk out of my head helps me. Speaking to others and listening to their powerlessness over food reminds me what I need to do with food. Reconfirming my commitment to program reminds me I am important and that my disease is serious.
Welcome 2012, welcome my year of recovery.
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