I am currently working through Step-One (for the upteenth time - but it takes how many it takes!) and the thing that is coming through really clearly is that I am totally expecting my will to get me through life. I somehow have gone back to the old thinking of 'if it is to be, it is up to me'. I seem closed to the idea that I am powerless over people, places and things. In reality, all I am responsible for is the groundwork and the rest is up to my HP.
If it is to be, then it is up to my HP.
I am trying to remind myself that it is ok, I don't need to race ahead to Step 3 and instantly hand my will over to my HP, but I do need to observe the problems at hand. I need to experience the pain of not living life on life's terms. Today, I know I am in self-will because:
- I am irritable and discontent
- I am blaming others for everything, and not looking for my part in any conflict
- I am letting everyone know I am not happy
- I am procrastinating at work
- I am avoiding taking care of myself, and instead focussing on what everybody else needs to do to make my life manageable
- I am struggling to be truley grateful for my life - I know I have a lot to be grateful, but I can not get in touch with the feelings of gratitude I have previously felt
- I am not being open to suggestions from others (other people are often the messengers of my HPs' will
- I am not letting go of the excess in my life - my wardrobe needs a cull as a starting point
I know that I can not know or understand what lays ahead for me, but that it will be ok. I don't have to get everything I want to be happy. If I just 'let go' of all my control, my HP can start looking after me and I will be ok.
HP help me find a way to get out of the way of your will for me.
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