Denial my old friend it is time we went our separate ways, we are not good for each other. You are my toxic friend of childhood that I just can't shake off. I didn't realize how miserable you have been making me and how much you've been holding me down. I am shocked, and a little ashamed, of how unmanageable things have become for me physically.
Why have I been refusing to look at these things? I guess my disease didn't want me to take action - I am not a bad person, I am simply in my disease. I need to face the ways I am unmanageable physically:
- I am uncomfortable in my body - I can't find a comfortable sitting position nor cross my legs comfortably
- I have cellulite all over my body, including my arms
- My legs rub together when I walk
- Walking is getting harder and harder - it is easier for me to find the excuse not to exercise than battle through the discomfort of it
- Finding pants to wear that fit me is becoming impossible in the 'standard' sizes
- I am avoiding mirrors
- I am not shopping for clothes even though I desperately need new outfits
- My clothes are tight and there are clothes in my cupboard that no longer fit me
- My doctor had trouble taking my blood pressure because of my arm size
- I am surpressing my sexuality as I am ashamed and not present in my body
- I am not 'grooming' as much as normal as I am feeling unattractive
- I am not going to the beach, swimming or wearing 'summer' clothes in front of others
- Photographs from Christmas of my legs are shocking me
- I am losing flexibility in my body
- My skin is irritable
HP help me to accept where I am today so I can address my disease in healthy and loving ways. I have to accept myself before I can take action. HP grant me the courage to do the things I can.
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