In times of struggle I often make long list of the things that need to change in my life, especially things I need to do to make it different. It doesn't allow me to see how my HP is in my life and how he is looking after me. Lists show me that I still think I am in control, that I am trying to force my views and ideas on the world. Lists are the manifestation of my control and perfectionism, like food is my barometer for feelings, lists are my barometer of my connection with my HP and my surrender to his will.
Last night I made a small change in my thinking, admitting my perfectionism and people pleasing and this morning (it's still only 5.30am) I asked for help. They are small changes, but today they are enough.
I am grateful I am not in control, that there is a higher force looking after me. I don't have to know what that force is, or to call it God or anything, I just have to know I am being looked after. I don't have to be perfect or please anybody, I just have to be enough.
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