Is this perfectionism or people pleasing?

I've started a new job - and I am very grateful for all that brings.  But, (I wish that I could accept life on life's terms and do without the buts) I am going quietly crazy.

I have been putting in really long hours, not allowing myself to be the person I really am, quietly suppressing myself at every step.  I'm overtired and unable to think about anything but work.  At first I thought I was stuck in perfectionism, unable to accept that it is normal and human to feel stressed and imperfect when you start a new job.  I tried to be grateful for the new job and all the opportunities it is bringing me.   But I still kept pushing myself to be someone I am not.  I tried to embrace my imperfection, and remember it is in my humaness that I allow people to love me.

Yet I am still striving beyond a reasonable expectation.  My self talk is detriotating.  I am replaying way too many meetings in my mind, criticising myself at every step. 

I have started to see that people pleasing is really playing out in this new job.  I want everyone to like me, to be impressed by me, to think I am professional and deserve my job.  The reality is that what other people think of me is none of my business.  And when I start to impress other people, I usually get the opposite result.

I am forgetting that it is not my job that is high maintenance but my disease.  If I don't put the hours and work in my disease will take over.  Without working a program, the only way I know how to manage my life and my feelings is with the mind numbing drug of food.  I will be in the food before I know it.

A meeting at work saw me skip my usual meeting this week.  I need to do whatever it takes to get to my next meeting, even waking much earlier than I want on Saturday.  I need to talk to other oa'ers as I need to remember what it means that I am a compulsive overeater.  And I need to remember that being overtired is a really dangerous state for me.  I need rest and fun.

I need to drop the people pleasing and start treating myself in the high maintenance way I deserve.