I was abstinent today (as I have been most of the week). It wasn't a struggle. I just did what I needed to do (have a food plan, hand over my food, abstain from the first compulsive bite, be grateful and speak to other people in programme) and the rest followed.
I have been thinking a lot about the promises today. They are why I go to meetings, I know that. I want to live the sane and healthy life the promises hold out to me. I want to grow in understanding and effectiveness.
I can not live a life like that if I am in the food.
As I originally went to meetings to lose weight so, I was horrified at first that there was no promise that I would lose weight. Today I ask myself would I still be going to meetings after all this time if the promise of OA was simply I'll lose weight. I doubt it.
My weight is important to me - I have never really been happy with my weight, my legs are heavy and I am heavier than I should be. I wish it wasn't true, I wish I was a better advertisement for OA but the reality is I eat more food than I burn off. It's a simple equation, if I take in more fuel than I use or need I am going to have excess fuel stored in my body.
It might not be every day that I eat more food than I need, but it is what happens on average. I might do it in subtle ways or with 'abstinent' food, but it still more than I need. My weight is an important reflection of my truth around food. My higher power knows I need a constant reminder that I am a compulsive overeater, and therefore what that means. When I remember
I am a compulsive overeater I put in the work to arrest my disease.
Some days I can even be grateful for that constant reminder - my excess weight.
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