Procrastination & fear

My partner and I are so alike - too alike sometimes.

We are both procrastinating over the thing we say we want the most - completing my partner's application for a visa to return to my country of origin.

If it is what we want so much, why are we doing everything but completing that piece of paper? This weekend I have launched myself into creative projects, searching the net and even at last resort doing household chores. Anything not to be doing the visa application.

We have been fighting over the visa procrastination, perhaps hoping blaming each other for what is going on will change our behaviour. Sadly, like every other time I have blamed somebody else for my life, the arguing and blame has just made it worse.

I feel resentful and angry today, unhealthy emotions for me that make me think of food as an answer. I know food is not what I need. Deep down this visa procrastination is about fear. We are both afraid to confront the worst-case scenario of not getting him a visa. We are worried that his health will mean he will be denied his dream of living in the country we met. We are refusing to think about a plan B. We are refusing to contemplate what it will mean to us if we do not get to live the life we've been planning.

Yet, we both know our HP's may have different plans for us. And no matter how we fight, our HPs will has to win out. Who knows why they want us to stay here in the UK?

We will only know what is ahead for us if we actually do the visa application and confront the verdict. This un-confronted fear is hurting us, we are being given an opportunity to exercise our courage, so please HP help me to overcome my procrastination soon.