Taking responsibility

This weekend I felt sorry for myself in a way I couldn’t define. I felt like my needs weren’t getting met and that I was not being looked after. Following a tantrum with my partner that led to a big argument and me continually telling him he wasn’t taking responsibility for his life, I finally realised it was me that wasn’t taking responsibility, it was me who wasn’t looking after my own needs.

I feel a little lost in the world at the moment, not sure what the best thing is for me to explore. I feel alone, away from family and friends and unsure who to turn to about what I need to do next. Program tells me when I don’t know the answer that I need to just stop, stop trying to force the solution stop trying to have all the answers, and be open to God’s will.

That’s been a very hard lesson for me to learn, and one I am continually learning each day. Yes it feels uncomfortable, yes I wish life was clear and easy for me and this unknowing is scary, but these are not reasons to overeat, theses aren’t reasons to binge on anger and self-pity and blame my partner for my unhappiness (and even happiness).

I slowly started to take responsibility over the weekend, apologising to my partner and telling him I love him and his program. I asked my HP help and I am practising being open today – I meditated for a small time this morning, a practise I am slowly returning too.

I am heading out today to see a friend not seen for a long time and I am a little nervous how we are going to go. We have lost that old easy rapport of friends who share the little bits of today, but how it will be is in my HPs hands.