Every evening?

In order to review my day I need to ask myself a whole lot of questions about the day:

· During the day was I resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
· Do I owe anyone an apology?
· Have I kept something to myself that should be discussed?
· Was I kind & loving toward to everyone (including anyone I don’t like or feel I am justified in being rude too)?
· What could I have done better?
· Was I thinking of myself most of the time?
· Am I trying to control some aspect of my life through self-will?
· Which of my common defects were playing out today?
· What am I grateful for today – and did I remember to say thanks?
· Did I ask my HP for help?
· Is there something big happening that I need to take through the steps?

I finish by saying a prayer to my HP asking him to heal my wounds, guide me in his will for me, remove the defects of character of the day (listing them by name) and ask for help to change my behaviour.

Why do I have to do that every day I often ask myself? Surely by now I have done enough work, that I have travelled such a long road to get to where I am today, and isn’t that good enough. I know the answer is no, it is not enough. My disease is a disease of forgetfulness and as the 12 x 12 of OA says I ‘have to repeat, day after day, the actions that have brought us so much healing’.
To me there is something special in picking up a pen & a piece of paper for my Step 10. My body is signalling to my mind; this is important, take care and really pay attention. I never seem to really uncover what is bothering me, or why I feel a little dis-ease, if I simply check off my day in my mind. Writing it down makes it concrete and forces my mind to be open to the changes I need to make in my life.

Doing a formal Step 10 ensures my attention is on myself – instinctively I want to point the fingers at others. Reviewing my day ensures I don’t need to concern myself with others faults, that I just need to look at me. In these 5 minutes that it takes to review my day, I run through the three As of the program Awareness, Acceptance and now it is Action. I need to take note of all the things I need to do to take responsibility for my happiness, to continue on my road of recovery.

HP your will be done, not mine.