Just do it....

So much to be grateful for - living in a beautiful city for one.

I have a great sponsor at the moment, she has a lovely approach to program and has great recovery.  Even more importantly she expects me to work the program, to really work it and not just talk about it.  And God, do I need that at the moment.

My problem seems to be now that I have been around too long (who knew I'd ever become an old-timer) and that my disease uses that to attack me, to allow itself to run riot.  I now know exactly what my disease looks like and what I need to do to combat it but with some insane (diseased) logic I don't always see that I need to just get in and work the work.  This isn't a program of understanding, it is a program of doing.  To be honest, the power of the program is truely beyond my understanding - the great miracle of my life.

Working the program isn't as simple as I can make it sound.

Meetings are not enough.  They are a fabulous place for me to go and id and uncover what I am feeling, but this is not a 12 meeting program.  Having a sponsor and sharing with them daily helps me stay sane and challenges my diseased behaviour but that alone won't keep me abstinent. A food plan is important, but not without an acceptance of my powerlessness over (insert label), a belief in a higher power and a attitude of gratitude. 

I need to just get in and work my program like I know I need to - I am a high maintenance girl.  Unlike some other women I don't make myself beautiful by going to the beauticians, hairdressers, nail artists etc.  I can only make myself beautiful (sane) by working my program to the best of my ability - go to meetings, work with a sponsor, work with sponsees, do step work (I am currently doing a step 4 that feels so boring... surely I don't have to trawl through my resentments again so soon), have a food plan and continue to work on my relationship with my higher power.

Work it girl... as I am worth it.  After all those promises are mine for the taking.