What is my HP's will for me?

Why is listening to what my HPs will for me so difficult?

Luckily my HP is very persistent. And tricky! He does everything I need to get me to listen.

I've had a migraine looming for 2 days - I feel vague, disorientated and like I am hanging over the edge of pain. A dance of years with my HP has shown me that this is a warning. If I am not physically well, there is usually something spiritually unwell going on as well.

I can sense my fear. I can sense my hesitation in letting my HPs will be. I can sense a little distance from my HP. For some reason it is not a clear, direct feeling of disconnect. It seems to be a sneaky, dishonest feeling of self-control. That's why my HP needs to be sneaky and unavoidable - migraines just scream attention. What I am learning from this migraine is:

• That I am 'in control' of my life. And something has to bend or I'll snap.
• I am not being honest to myself about my feelings - I need to find a way to release them.
• I need to work on my conscious contact with my HP, to be able to listen to what he is telling me.
• I need to leave some room in my life for me.

I have a few questions I usually ask myself about my HPs will:

• Are my actions/ inactions kind (including kind to me)?
• Is it too hard - am I forcing anything?
• Is it according the principles of the program?

If I answer no to any of these questions I know I haven't quite cracked my HPs will for me. Yet.