A very tough day

Needing a little sunshine today - sunflowers always bring a smile,

thanks to my hubbie who's made them our flower.

I had a very tough day today and now I need to reflect on why it was so tough.

As usual at an OA meeting tonight I heard just what I needed to hear - we read Step 10 from the OA 12 x 12 and I was reminded of the importance of working my program every day. 'If we are to experience permanent recovery from compulsive eating, we will have to repeat, day after day, the actions that have already brought us so much healing.'

So what that I have been in program for years; if I am not working my program today, I will not have the recovery I seek. The hours I have put into recovery before today are not banked, they have use-by dates like any other perishable goods.

So bearing that in mind I need to do a thorough Step 10 tonight.

Today's stumbling blocks:

• Pride & perfectionism
• Fear
• Anger & resentment
• Self-pity
• Self-obsession
• Control & manipulation

I don't think it appropriate to detail here all the ways these stumbling blocks played out today, but it is important I know that they did. I need to remind myself about my powerlessness and to be grateful for all I have.

Powerlessness:

• I am powerless over food, that my life is unmanageable if I don't have and use a foodplan
• I am powerless over others - the way the choose to live their life, their reactions to me and my behaviour
• I am powerless over my fears
• I am powerless over my feelings, all I can do is feel them. Judging myself by my feelings isn't very productive.

Gratitude

• I am grateful that I am human, that it is ok to be imperfectly human
• I am so grateful for my husband - knowing I was upset he treated me like the most important person in the world and showed me how loved I am tonight. He picked me up from my meeting, cooked dinner & cleaned up, put a load of washing on, cuddled me and sent a text of how much he loved me.
• I am so grateful that I am not in control - that my life plan will continue to be revealed.
• I am grateful for my belief in a HP and the protection of the universe
• I am grateful for my family
• I am grateful that I will soon be able to get a new job.
• I am grateful that I have healthy ways to process all this emotion flowing inside me
• And finally I am most grateful that tomorrow is another day, that I wake up with a new start tomorrow.

Please HP help me see what steps I need to take next.