I thought I was doing really well talking to my HP this week, each day when I did my usual Step 3 prayer admitting my powerless over food and re-committing to the steps I take to maintain my abstinence I was also asking my HP to direct my thinking, to keep me away from negative, selfish and self-pitying thinking.
My thinking hadn't been so great before I started doing this and, aware that poor thinking leads me to the food, I wanted to do what I needed to do to stay sane. It is such a simple thing to do - just ask for help, but it certainly made a difference.
Then, not having to work today, I got out of my routine. I did not do a formal Step 3. I did not ask my HP to direct my thinking. I did not plan my food.
Irritated by my partner's avoidance of a chore we need to do and my own inability to get on with some things, I've found myself in self pity. I am missing home and I am feeling lonely and separate from people. My partner has headed out to his own fellowship meeting and I was feeling a little abandoned.
And just before I came here to write I was looking around the apartment for what I could eat that would give me a fix, but not break my abstinence. Then I started looking at my partner's food - biscuits and cakes that have no business in my mouth.
So here I am to talk to my HP, to listen to him and hear what he wants for me.
He doesn't want me to numb my feelings in food. He doesn't want me to waste my life wishing it was different. He wants me to enjoy all I have, to be grateful for the amazing life I have today. A life I have thanks to Program, and staying out of the food.
Tomorrow morning I will not forget to ask my HP to direct my thinking.
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