Feeling my feelings

I find feeling my feelings so hard. I hear this shared a lot in meetings, so maybe it is a symptom or being an addict or maybe it is why we pick up our drug of choice, but whatever the reason my feelings are like a like a foreign land, a place of surprising and unfathomable experiences - enjoyable and painful.

I am finding it difficult to really get in touch with my feelings, to understand what is going on. I feel numb, I feel discontent, I feel irritable. These feelings are all general feelings; I can't pin them to a situation happening in my life, to a relationship I am having trouble with, to a disappointment.

I can feel my HP's presence, gently pushing me to look what is happening, asking me how I am feeling. I have started to crying in bed at night, watching trashing TV. It is the sad stories that I am watching that bring tears to my eyes - but I have to wonder why so quickly.

When listening to my sponsees talk about their issues, I am over identifying with their troubles, imagining all the issues I could pin my current dis-ease on.

I need to try new ways to connect to my feelings. The current way, of over-thinking everything, is clearly not working. I am heading out this morning to spend some time with my mother-in-law, it just felt right for me to spend some time with her. I need to think beyond myself and what is happening for me and open myself to what else is out there in the world. Maybe there is an answer out there for how I am feeling.

I am listening to the http://www.oalaig.org/ podcasts again this morning, and I've finally made it to 2007 - only 2 years to go!