I constantly need to remind myself that I am powerless over things, people, places and especially feelings. I don’t like the feelings that come up around so much of my life, especially things that are really important to me, such as my partner or my family; I feel fearful and out of control. My instinctive way of dealing with this is to move to control, to look at the ways I can manage the situation. I mistakenly believe that I know what is best and devise action plans and develop strategies to manipulate outcomes to my way.
I imagine that this ‘managing’ is doing something about the situation, and I therefore feel like I am in control, however this is self-delusion. No matter what I do, some things are just not in my power to manage (thank god).
I have many friends who believe that the mind is so powerful that it can create their destiny, that to get outcomes they want they need to be focussing on those outcomes. That is old thinking for me, thinking that way got me bound so tight calculating all my destinies that I was frozen into inaction. I was so busy thinking about what everyone else should be doing and feeling to deliver my destiny, that I lost touch of what I should be doing and who I was in the world.
Today I know that there is a bigger piece of the puzzle that is my life than my thoughts. My HP has shown me time and time again that I don’t know what’s best at all, that I need to have faith that the bigger picture is being looked after by him. All I need to do is look after my foot-work and the rest will become clear. What my footwork is then becomes the issue.
I know this because I have desperately wanted things in the past that I have spent all my energy making happen, at the cost of my sanity and my serenity, and then have been absolutely miserable. What I thought was the perfect outcome for me had made me miserable. There have also been other times where I was angry that god didn’t give me what I had wanted, and then slowly realised I was perfectly happy without it. Life to date has shown me I simply can not be trusted on what is best for me and therefore what is best for anybody else.
Sadly my old thinking and ways of moving out of fear are hard-wired into me, and some days I am so forgetful of my powerlessness that I have to repeat over and over the things I am powerless over.
I imagine that this ‘managing’ is doing something about the situation, and I therefore feel like I am in control, however this is self-delusion. No matter what I do, some things are just not in my power to manage (thank god).
I have many friends who believe that the mind is so powerful that it can create their destiny, that to get outcomes they want they need to be focussing on those outcomes. That is old thinking for me, thinking that way got me bound so tight calculating all my destinies that I was frozen into inaction. I was so busy thinking about what everyone else should be doing and feeling to deliver my destiny, that I lost touch of what I should be doing and who I was in the world.
Today I know that there is a bigger piece of the puzzle that is my life than my thoughts. My HP has shown me time and time again that I don’t know what’s best at all, that I need to have faith that the bigger picture is being looked after by him. All I need to do is look after my foot-work and the rest will become clear. What my footwork is then becomes the issue.
I know this because I have desperately wanted things in the past that I have spent all my energy making happen, at the cost of my sanity and my serenity, and then have been absolutely miserable. What I thought was the perfect outcome for me had made me miserable. There have also been other times where I was angry that god didn’t give me what I had wanted, and then slowly realised I was perfectly happy without it. Life to date has shown me I simply can not be trusted on what is best for me and therefore what is best for anybody else.
Sadly my old thinking and ways of moving out of fear are hard-wired into me, and some days I am so forgetful of my powerlessness that I have to repeat over and over the things I am powerless over.
Most days, I walk to work telling myself I am powerless over food therefore I eat three meals a day with nothing in-between and no trigger foods. I am powerless over my feelings therefore I simply acknowledge them and allow them to flow, without having to take any action. I am powerless over my partner and therefore trust that his HP is looking after him. I am powerless over my work, therefore focus on what I need to do and leave the outcomes to my HP. I am powerless over my thoughts just like my feelings, if I think of eating compulsively it doesn’t mean I have to act on those thoughts. I can ask my HP for help in relieving my obsession.
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