I am trying to be brave, I am trying to accept what lays ahead for me but I am afraid.
Someone recently shared a lovely mantra at a meeting, that I've slightly altered, that is helping me with acceptance. I breathe in and repeat CALM in my head, I breathe out and repeat ACCEPTANCE. I now only have to do that a few times and a lovely sense of 'it's all ok' comes over me. But then it can easily slip away.
I am afraid of my financial situation. I have moved back home to Australia, but nothing is going like I planned. I am still unemployed despite 3 months of applying for jobs, broke and not really sure what my future is career wise. I am afraid for my mortgage, credit card bills and I am not sure what is right for me job-wise.
However, I know I am lucky. I am not in the food, I have a program that gives me the tools to deal with difficult times (without having to numb my pain with food) which I can go to no matter how much money I have. I have a partner who supports my recovery and most of all I have a HP who is looking after me. I have a family who love and support me, especially in tough times. I have skills, and even though they may no longer be as current as an employer is looking for, I know I can be of service somewhere.
What is my HPs will for me? Is it that I lose more than I have already lost? I know I will be ok, that in the long run I will get what I need, but the fear of what that looks like needs to be addressed every day to help me stay out of the food.
I am willing to listen to what my HPs will is for me... and to take the steps I need to.
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